غيرالناس
23-09-2008, 03:11 AM
Peace be upon you
This research is done by me which is put here as a lovely gift to my brothers in this nice fourm
Types of Lies, and Why People Tell Them
lying is a very common human activity. Not only is it easy to lie – it can even be the polite or politically correct thing to do. “Your baby is beautiful.” “Don’t worry, spilling your drink on my carpet is no big deal.” “Your party was so much fun.” We often find ourselves lying for the sake of kindness and social graces.
A lie is an untruth, a deviation, big or small, from what is known to be real. It is a false statement deliberately presented as being true, thus misrepresenting a situation or giving a totally wrong impression about something. There are generally two types of lies - white lies, which do little or no damage, and black lies, which can do detriment to the deceiver or the deceived when the truth is found out. The environmental factor in childhood plays an important role in determining whether or not a person grows up to be a chronic liar. Those who come from chaotic and dysfunctional families have a greater tendency to lie than those who grew up in a caring household. Children from such families lie to change or modify reality so as to make life more tolerable - that in this case, lying becomes a strategy of coping with the hostile environment. Discipline also seems to play a role in encouraging or discouraging lying. Lies can be categorized in many different ways, but a widely held view is that there are four types of lie:
a-Pro-social - Lying to help someone else.
b-Self-enhancement - Lying to make yourself look better while not hurting another.
c-Selfish - Lying to personally benefit at the expense of another.
d-Anti-social - Lying to deliberately damage another
Obvious signs include: a-Over denial - Repeating protests of innocence.
b-Stuttering - Stumbling over words without natural fluency.
c-Hand Wringing - Fiddling, rubbing, picking and playing with the fingers and hands while talking
d-Eye Contact - Unwillingness to make or never breaking it.
Some lies and why we people say them:-
1-'That dress looks good on you:- It is supposed that most of us would justify the telling of this sort of lie as 'being diplomatic'. Many of us have told untruths when asked for an opinion, when we believe in one thing but know that the person wishes to hear the other. We teach our kids to say, 'Thank you for the gift. I liked it very much' even when they don't, for the sake of being polite and not offending anybody. We say that we like a good friend's new hairstyle even though it is obvious that the coiffeur has made her look. These are things we usually find ourselves doing for the sake of maintaining a good relationship with people, consoling ourselves by saying that 'Surely it's not wrong as long as it doesn't hurt the person'. In any event, a person who has asked you for your 'honest opinion' usually wants to hear anything but your honest opinion. Most people say, 'Tell me the truth' because they want assurance or confirmation of their belief that something is good for them, even if it is not. Although many would argue that telling these people what they want to hear is wrong and that it would probably wind up doing the person harm, the fact remains that very few of us would actually dare voice our real opinions, for fear of damaging our relationship with the person.
2-'I Didn't Do It!':- This is probably one of the most common lies. Students who neglected to do their homework tell it to avoid getting punished ('The computer ate my homework'). People who have accidentally totaled an expensive piece of equipment may resort to lying to avoid getting the blame ('I don't know. It just stopped functioning'.). People of power lie to get themselves out of sticky situations that might damage their career. This is usually a case of evading responsibility. A person does something he knows to be wrong. He may not be able to come to terms with what he has done, or is afraid of being blamed or condemned for it. So he tells a lie to get out of the situation, often transferring the burden of the blame. There is a variation to this type of lie - 'What do you mean, I'm losing my hair???' We live our lives by parameters we set for ourselves. Sometimes, things just don't turn out the way they're meant to, sometimes people point out things that we were not previously aware of, things that we never expected would happen to us. Death is one example, excessive weight is another. When that happens, the shock that hits us is sometimes too great for us to accept, thus triggering the denial reaction. Denial is a form of lying - to ourselves, because of our inability to accept the sudden change to our lives.
3-'He Was with Me the Whole Night':- We sometimes find ourselves in a situation where we are forced to lie for the sake of protecting somebody - say, a best friend. This may include telling a fib to corroborate the person's story ('Yes, she went to the cinema with me'), or, for a nobler cause, taking responsibility for something you did not do just so that the other person does not get punished. There are also times when we also have to tell lies to protect the innocent. If a child whose mother has died asks where her mummy has gone, the answer is not usually, 'She's dead', but 'She had to go somewhere very far away'. Some people also lie to keep their children from knowing they have been adopted. This is not a case of downright lying, but of a need to protect people who do not yet understand the truth - until one day when that person is old enough to know it. study carried out by psychologist Robert Feldman revealed that most people lied in everyday conversation to appear more competent and more likable to people they are trying to impress. He found that 60% of people lied at least once during a ten-minute conversation and told an average of two to three lies. People often lie about things trying to feel better about themselves.
4-False promises:- are those that people make and then do not follow through. A typical example might be, 'No problem - I'll just make a few calls to the companies; you'll get the stuff in no time' (even when you know that you'll be busy for the rest of the week, and will never get around to making those calls). Of course these are lies that will eventually be found out - usually to your detriment, because your acquaintance/friend may decide never to trust you again.
5-Compulsive lying:- The last form of deception to be discussed here is compulsive lying. In most situations, we lie for one reason or another. It may be to get out of trouble, to gain an unfair advantage over somebody, to earn respect from others. Whatever the reason, good or bad, it can be justified. But what about compulsive lying? There are those who are compulsive liars, who are compelled to tell lies even when it would do them no good, or when the truth would serve them better. These are people who say they'd bought a certain item from Shop X when in fact they'd obtained them from Shop Y; people who would say that they had been to a certain place even when they have not. How does it profit these people to lie?
Conclusion
Why People Lie - a Summary:- We have already covered different types of lies and on what occasions people tell them. But here is the question - what makes people lie?
• Greed - for power, for advantage, for money, for admiration
• Fear - we are sometimes driven to lie by fear - usually of what will happen if we tell the truth
• Acceptance - no man is an island. We find ourselves doing whatever it takes to be accepted, to be liked and appreciated
• Habit - compulsive liars lie compulsively because they are used to it.
Life would be far easier for some people if there were a foolproof method for spotting lies. However, whatever method we use there is always the possibility that our assumptions or estimations will be incorrect. Clearly, it would be far easier still if people simply didn't lie in the first place. But then how would you keep children from learning the truth.
Done by / A Different one.
This research is done by me which is put here as a lovely gift to my brothers in this nice fourm
Types of Lies, and Why People Tell Them
lying is a very common human activity. Not only is it easy to lie – it can even be the polite or politically correct thing to do. “Your baby is beautiful.” “Don’t worry, spilling your drink on my carpet is no big deal.” “Your party was so much fun.” We often find ourselves lying for the sake of kindness and social graces.
A lie is an untruth, a deviation, big or small, from what is known to be real. It is a false statement deliberately presented as being true, thus misrepresenting a situation or giving a totally wrong impression about something. There are generally two types of lies - white lies, which do little or no damage, and black lies, which can do detriment to the deceiver or the deceived when the truth is found out. The environmental factor in childhood plays an important role in determining whether or not a person grows up to be a chronic liar. Those who come from chaotic and dysfunctional families have a greater tendency to lie than those who grew up in a caring household. Children from such families lie to change or modify reality so as to make life more tolerable - that in this case, lying becomes a strategy of coping with the hostile environment. Discipline also seems to play a role in encouraging or discouraging lying. Lies can be categorized in many different ways, but a widely held view is that there are four types of lie:
a-Pro-social - Lying to help someone else.
b-Self-enhancement - Lying to make yourself look better while not hurting another.
c-Selfish - Lying to personally benefit at the expense of another.
d-Anti-social - Lying to deliberately damage another
Obvious signs include: a-Over denial - Repeating protests of innocence.
b-Stuttering - Stumbling over words without natural fluency.
c-Hand Wringing - Fiddling, rubbing, picking and playing with the fingers and hands while talking
d-Eye Contact - Unwillingness to make or never breaking it.
Some lies and why we people say them:-
1-'That dress looks good on you:- It is supposed that most of us would justify the telling of this sort of lie as 'being diplomatic'. Many of us have told untruths when asked for an opinion, when we believe in one thing but know that the person wishes to hear the other. We teach our kids to say, 'Thank you for the gift. I liked it very much' even when they don't, for the sake of being polite and not offending anybody. We say that we like a good friend's new hairstyle even though it is obvious that the coiffeur has made her look. These are things we usually find ourselves doing for the sake of maintaining a good relationship with people, consoling ourselves by saying that 'Surely it's not wrong as long as it doesn't hurt the person'. In any event, a person who has asked you for your 'honest opinion' usually wants to hear anything but your honest opinion. Most people say, 'Tell me the truth' because they want assurance or confirmation of their belief that something is good for them, even if it is not. Although many would argue that telling these people what they want to hear is wrong and that it would probably wind up doing the person harm, the fact remains that very few of us would actually dare voice our real opinions, for fear of damaging our relationship with the person.
2-'I Didn't Do It!':- This is probably one of the most common lies. Students who neglected to do their homework tell it to avoid getting punished ('The computer ate my homework'). People who have accidentally totaled an expensive piece of equipment may resort to lying to avoid getting the blame ('I don't know. It just stopped functioning'.). People of power lie to get themselves out of sticky situations that might damage their career. This is usually a case of evading responsibility. A person does something he knows to be wrong. He may not be able to come to terms with what he has done, or is afraid of being blamed or condemned for it. So he tells a lie to get out of the situation, often transferring the burden of the blame. There is a variation to this type of lie - 'What do you mean, I'm losing my hair???' We live our lives by parameters we set for ourselves. Sometimes, things just don't turn out the way they're meant to, sometimes people point out things that we were not previously aware of, things that we never expected would happen to us. Death is one example, excessive weight is another. When that happens, the shock that hits us is sometimes too great for us to accept, thus triggering the denial reaction. Denial is a form of lying - to ourselves, because of our inability to accept the sudden change to our lives.
3-'He Was with Me the Whole Night':- We sometimes find ourselves in a situation where we are forced to lie for the sake of protecting somebody - say, a best friend. This may include telling a fib to corroborate the person's story ('Yes, she went to the cinema with me'), or, for a nobler cause, taking responsibility for something you did not do just so that the other person does not get punished. There are also times when we also have to tell lies to protect the innocent. If a child whose mother has died asks where her mummy has gone, the answer is not usually, 'She's dead', but 'She had to go somewhere very far away'. Some people also lie to keep their children from knowing they have been adopted. This is not a case of downright lying, but of a need to protect people who do not yet understand the truth - until one day when that person is old enough to know it. study carried out by psychologist Robert Feldman revealed that most people lied in everyday conversation to appear more competent and more likable to people they are trying to impress. He found that 60% of people lied at least once during a ten-minute conversation and told an average of two to three lies. People often lie about things trying to feel better about themselves.
4-False promises:- are those that people make and then do not follow through. A typical example might be, 'No problem - I'll just make a few calls to the companies; you'll get the stuff in no time' (even when you know that you'll be busy for the rest of the week, and will never get around to making those calls). Of course these are lies that will eventually be found out - usually to your detriment, because your acquaintance/friend may decide never to trust you again.
5-Compulsive lying:- The last form of deception to be discussed here is compulsive lying. In most situations, we lie for one reason or another. It may be to get out of trouble, to gain an unfair advantage over somebody, to earn respect from others. Whatever the reason, good or bad, it can be justified. But what about compulsive lying? There are those who are compulsive liars, who are compelled to tell lies even when it would do them no good, or when the truth would serve them better. These are people who say they'd bought a certain item from Shop X when in fact they'd obtained them from Shop Y; people who would say that they had been to a certain place even when they have not. How does it profit these people to lie?
Conclusion
Why People Lie - a Summary:- We have already covered different types of lies and on what occasions people tell them. But here is the question - what makes people lie?
• Greed - for power, for advantage, for money, for admiration
• Fear - we are sometimes driven to lie by fear - usually of what will happen if we tell the truth
• Acceptance - no man is an island. We find ourselves doing whatever it takes to be accepted, to be liked and appreciated
• Habit - compulsive liars lie compulsively because they are used to it.
Life would be far easier for some people if there were a foolproof method for spotting lies. However, whatever method we use there is always the possibility that our assumptions or estimations will be incorrect. Clearly, it would be far easier still if people simply didn't lie in the first place. But then how would you keep children from learning the truth.
Done by / A Different one.